Three years post-stroke and they have been the greatest years of my life.  Now when I say greatest, I don’t mean perfect and easy.  Life is life and no matter what, it can be challenging, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  It’s the challenges that help us grow. I’ve lived most of my life dealing with challenges. I haven’t always dealt with them well, but coming so close to not being here gives you some much-needed perspective on life.  

I would lose myself to the struggle.  Revert into me and remove myself from the world.  That was one of the main causes of my high blood pressure.  I didn’t know how to process anything or how to reframe situations.  Now that I have acquired the skills to process my feelings and emotions healthily, life has never been the same. Again, not necessarily easy.  I have just grown as a person and I am now able to handle things in a much healthier way.  I was never taught how to survive in this crazy world.  My family did the best they could, but it was the blind leading the blind. I had to learn these skills on my own. For me, it’s been adapt, adjust or die.  Sounds harsh, but it’s absolutely true.  I wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t changed things.  

I read something the other day that stuck with me.  “Life doesn’t get easier, you become stronger.” I believe that to be true.  That’s what my recovery has been all about.  It has been maybe the single most difficult thing that I’ve ever had to do.  I’m still going through it.  Life hasn’t gotten easier post-stroke. The difference between before and after my stroke is that now I am stronger.  Battle-tested. I’m still here.  Each and every day is a new challenge.  I’m here and doing my best to get past each and every challenge in the most functional and healthy way possible.  I may not always do as well as I intend to, but I am doing better than I have ever done before in my life.  

In the last three years, I’ve traveled the world; shared my story with the masses; taken huge steps toward closure on the incident that happened to me at Valley Presbyterian Hospital; created a podcast that has helped people in my stroke and brain injury community in over 40 countries; and built a community of survivors with my YouSoRock Support Group.  Most important to me, has been helping so many survivors along their journey through recovery.  Post-stroke, that’s all I want to do.  I just want to help others in my community.  I started all of this to help myself get through my own recovery, but it has turned into something so much bigger than myself.  That in itself is the most important thing that I’ve learned throughout my journey – my mission is so much bigger than just me.  

Now I’m not saying that you should put others ahead of yourself.  I did that for years and it did me no good. It hindered more than helped me.  I am saying that when things are so loud and overwhelming that you don’t know how you’re going to keep on going, think about all of the people out there that depend on you and your fight.  I didn’t want to share my PTSD story.  I didn’t want to continue with my blog and podcast.  I didn’t want to keep reaching out to survivors.  I didn’t want to keep going.  No, I didn’t want to… I HAD to do those things and more.  I speak not only for me but for the people out there with no voice.  I have put myself in a position where my voice can be heard and can make a difference.  I take that very seriously.  It’s a responsibility that I take on and respect.  I take care of myself better than I have ever done in my life.  I do that so I can be in a place to help others the way I wish I had been helped during my own recovery.  

I have wondered what my purpose is in this world, post-stroke.  Why did I make it?  A very high percentage says that I shouldn’t be here.  So why me?  Why did I make it?  It’s not to repeat the things that I did before my stroke.  That behavior almost killed me.  I know why I made it.  I made it, to live.  To live life to its fullest.  To grow every day.  To help as many people as I can so that they could live their best life as I go on my journey on this little blue marble we call earth.  I want to be that beacon of hope for others to think of when they hit that low point we all hit sometimes when we just don’t know how we are going to keep going.  Each and every survivor I have met has been that beacon of hope for me.

In the last three years, I have experienced and learned so much.  I’ve learned how to not just survive, but how to live.  I have learned that I am important.  I have learned that the more mentally healthy I am, the more I surround myself with mentally healthy people.  I was broken and so were a lot of the people that surrounded me.  I’ve changed that and it feels amazing.  I’ve grown.  I’ve gone from being a caterpillar to a butterfly.  I can’t go back.  The people that feel like they have been left behind need to grow.  They need to catch up to me because I am flying high and absolutely cannot go back to crawling in the dirt like a caterpillar.